The Journey of Self-Care

Summary

In this episode of the Ginger and Chocolate podcast, hosts Mike and Lindsay discuss the challenges of self-care, the importance of sleep, and the impact of negative self-talk and perfectionism on mental health. They share personal experiences and insights on finding balance in health routines, the role of mindfulness, and the significance of treating oneself with compassion. The conversation emphasizes the need for self-awareness and the importance of breaking unhealthy cycles to foster personal growth and well-being.

Takeaways

• Self-care is a continuous journey with ups and downs.
• Sleep quality significantly impacts overall well-being.
• Negative self-talk can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
• Perfectionism often stems from feelings of unworthiness.
• Mindfulness practices can help ground and center oneself.
• It's important to challenge unhealthy thought patterns.
• Finding balance in health routines is crucial for sustainability.
• Compassion towards oneself is essential for personal growth.
• Engaging in enjoyable activities can enhance mental health.
• Acknowledging the battle many face with mental health is important.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Personal Updates

04:59

The Challenge of Self-Care

09:57

Finding Balance in Health Routines

14:50

The Impact of Sleep on Well-Being

19:51

Breaking the Cycle of Negative Self-Talk

24:55

The Role of Perfectionism in Self-Care

29:55

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

34:57

Conclusion and Listener Challenge

Keywords

self-care, mindfulness, sleep, perfectionism, health routines, negative self-talk, personal growth, mental health, balance, well-being

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Transcript

Mike (00:01.449)
Hey everybody, welcome back to the ginger and chocolate podcast. I'm your cohost Mike. And along with me is Lindsay. Lindsay, how you doing?

Lindsay (00:09.48)
I am doing pretty well, tired as usual, but that's my normal state, so we're going to just forget about that part and everything else is going well. How about you?

Mike (00:15.156)
Ha

Mike (00:19.669)
good I was the same and then I took a freezing cold shower it's my go-to morning wake up solution that along with a little coffee

Lindsay (00:28.898)
Yeah, cheers. Cheers to that. I'll drink caffeine with you. I'm not strong enough for the cold shower. I'm a weakling. I can't even think about that. Yeah, so what have you been up to this week? We're recording later than normal.

Mike (00:43.413)
It's not always fun, but it works.

Mike (00:50.197)
We are. Let's see. We recorded. We didn't record on our usual Monday because I was out hunting for geese. And the Central Valley. Well, we saw a few. None were harvested, but we saw we saw quite a lot of wildlife, which is pretty neat. Saw a lot of a lot of cranes, saw a couple of osprey, saw a lot of fish jumping in this lake where we were.

Lindsay (01:01.742)
How'd it go?

Mike (01:20.129)
And just none of the geese that we're trying to shoot showed up. So we saw a few off in the distance and they didn't get close enough.

Lindsay (01:28.046)
They're like, there's that redhead down there. Fuck that guy.

Mike (01:34.832)
Must have been yeah, so yeah, yeah Harvest them and then take them back clean them out and either just cut out the meat or cut out pluck the feathers and take the whole all the skin and it looks just like a Chicken or a goose you'd see in the store, maybe so

Lindsay (01:36.622)
Do you cook them?

Yeah.

Lindsay (01:56.882)
Hmm. And does Sarah cook them or do you smoke?

Mike (02:00.405)
No, I do all that. She doesn't really like the ducks and geese, the waterfowl. So she likes all the fish I bring home, but not particularly the other stuff. with, yeah, with the exception as I'll, go after pigs usually once a year. I haven't gone after any this year, but I will get them and I'll have a smoked ham we'll have for Christmas, which is pretty nice. And she appreciates that.

Lindsay (02:05.581)
Yeah.

Lindsay (02:10.506)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's me. I'm with Sarah on that.

Lindsay (02:26.2)
Hmm. A wild is this a wild pig? I guess it wouldn't be a pig in a pen. That would be stupid. A little unfair. You creep enough to. No, I'm not a hunter. I'm a, you know, an avid if I could not eat any meat, I would. But I haven't figured out how.

Mike (02:30.342)
Mm? Yeah.

Yeah, it'd be a little weird.

Exactly nothing very sporting about that

Mike (02:50.506)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (02:53.422)
But I do have an uncle that's a hunter and he has some kind of smoker and he smokes a lot of a lot of the stuff they eat and I've had some of that and it was pretty tasty actually. I had some venison that was smoked which I'm a love deer and so I was like no it's Bambi you killed but then I tasted I was like this smoke venison is actually pretty pretty tasty.

Mike (02:57.905)
Mm-hmm, yeah.

Mike (03:03.657)
Yeah.

Mike (03:11.315)
Yeah.

Mike (03:15.797)
Pretty tasty. Yeah. It's, an interesting conversation. mean, we could spend a lot of time talking about it, but essentially I respect how anyone feels about it. And, know, I think if I had any commentary on it, it would be that the people that eat meat, and are kind of off put by hunting. It's usually just more that how removed we are from our food sources and the idea that they are.

eventually killed.

Lindsay (03:48.29)
Well, they're probably leaving a better life. mean, I'm not going to hunt, but they probably are leading a better life than the meat generally that we eat because that meat, even if you're trying to buy expensive meat, which is what I do like, it's supposed to be grass fed and free range. And, you know, I've recently learned that like 90 % of grass fed free range ends up in a factory farm before it's killed. So.

Mike (03:52.425)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (03:57.193)
Yeah.

Mike (04:15.69)
yeah, when they say like grass fed grain finished. Yeah.

Lindsay (04:16.608)
They go, they still have them. And they, yeah, and then they just put it. So anyway, these things that are like doing what they're supposed to be doing in nature or having a better life before they die, then most of the meat we eat, which is living in a bad conditions. then so I hear you on that. I don't have any issues with it. I just wouldn't be able to do it. But I definitely respect it, especially if you eat the meat. People who just kill stuff and are just like, I did it.

Mike (04:31.699)
Yeah, agree.

Mike (04:38.623)
Yeah.

Mike (04:42.325)
Yeah. Hmm. That's a problem. Yeah.

Lindsay (04:45.526)
I killed this elephant. I'm like, mm, I don't know. You need to kill an elephant. No, you have been listening to hunting talk with Mike and Lindsay. So what are we talking about today?

Mike (04:48.403)
Yeah, I don't... I can't really get behind that.

Mike (04:59.164)
Yes.

Mike (05:03.209)
We're talking about why it is so difficult to take care of ourselves.

Lindsay (05:07.374)
my gosh, I feel that. I don't know.

Mike (05:13.587)
Yeah.

Lindsay (05:15.128)
There's a lot of things I would do to take care of myself that I should do and that I would actually like to do and I know would benefit me. And yet I have a hard time implementing them consistently. What about yourself?

Mike (05:29.022)
I go in waves. If I can get in a good rhythm, I can hold a good pattern for a while. I think it's tough for me to somewhat of a balance when I am in a good groove to not get totally...

say orthodox or extreme about about what I'm doing that's that's healthy so I mean it's a lot of is is relative and talks you know is about moderation and balance and then I think you can take any pursuit to an extreme you know people like you and I know these things yeah

Lindsay (06:16.987)
yeah, I mean, I am.

Mike (06:19.263)
you to where you're avoiding social engagements because you need to have a strict bedtime of 8 30 or whatever the situation is.

Lindsay (06:25.966)
Mm-hmm.

Yep, yep. I heard an old, old timey sober guy once say. He said, I'm an alcoholic, I'll abuse a roll of toilet paper if you let me. It's like that personality that you and I both have where, you know, we can take anything to an extreme. So I relate to that. I tend to.

Mike (06:51.925)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (06:58.05)
take things to an extreme though that feel good in the moment but may not really serve me over time if that makes sense. like, you know, I'll binge watch a show or something like that. It feels good while I'm doing it. I'm entertained and there's nothing really totally wrong with it. But I have sleep problems and I need to be in bed for like 10 hours if I want to get eight hours, nine if I want to get close to seven.

Mike (07:05.332)
Yeah.

Mike (07:23.081)
Yeah.

Lindsay (07:27.436)
So if I get into bed with seven hours before I need to get up, I'm setting myself up for failure. So there's that thing of like, well, the healthy thing to do would be to go to bed on time. But the thing, and I would feel good.

the next day all day. But the thing I do do instead is like, well, one more episode of this of selling sunset or something that's like so not it's not like educational or anything like that. It is entertaining, though. know, and then I don't get enough sleep. Like last night, I didn't I didn't get in bed in time to even come close. So I'm tired today. It's my own fault.

Mike (07:50.335)
Yeah.

Mike (07:57.619)
Yeah.

Lindsay (08:10.476)
So what do you currently do to take care of Like what are the things that you're currently doing? Just take care of yourself mentally, emotionally.

Mike (08:15.221)
Mm-hmm.

Well, one of them involved what I did on Monday is taken, you know, planned days off to go pursue things that are outside of work. And I love what I do. I love it. And I also realize that there's, you know, it can take a toll and be a stress source of stress too. And so if I'm a

I'm not taking regular days off to do things outside you know in in the country or nature I'm worse off for it so that's one of the things I do. The other thing I'm doing is I'm working with past guests Steph Lincoln and the fireteam whiskey military fitness protocol and I'm doing some high intensity interval workouts.

Lindsay (08:57.336)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (09:04.023)
Yeah.

Mike (09:13.329)
out of that to my regiment.

Lindsay (09:16.312)
How's that going?

Mike (09:18.117)
fun I did some cardio kickboxing yesterday last night and it was actually fun I was

Lindsay (09:26.222)
Do you like kick a bag or is it just movements or?

Mike (09:29.397)
just like shadow boxing and you know so some of involve weights or calisthenics and some of them are more cardio based you know so that it's it's keeping things fun it's keeping you know having source of novelty something new different because you know before I was just primarily in the triathlon world and and

some of the variations are, you know, like you can do different sets of swimming. You can, you know, do different cadence warmups with the bike and running is pretty standard. you might do a couple of speed workouts here and there, but the way I was doing it was just, you know, zone two kind of stuff. So you really fall into kind of a groove and eventually it can get kind of boring.

Lindsay (10:27.502)
Yeah, we've talked about that a little bit with Peggy, changing it up and that's a form of self care, I think, just changing things up and keeping yourself engaged in life, taking days off. I like all of those things. Do you have something that you do like in the morning, like a regular something, besides a cold shower?

Mike (10:31.369)
Yeah.

Mike (10:53.913)
You know that one depends on how much sleep I get and so I don't know if if I get up early enough it's you spending some time in silence while I maybe do some some chores around the house at you know dark o'clock in the morning

Lindsay (11:18.318)
What is that like 330 for you?

Mike (11:20.565)
3.30 or 4 sometimes. yeah, it's yeah, it's it's early. Sometimes I go back to sleep and I'm like, you know what, I'm actually still tired or I'm tired again. So I'll go back to sleep. So I don't think that part's ideal, but it's it's working well enough. So what I usually try to do is do these workouts in the morning and then but as far as falling into a specific groove right now, I'm putting

my perceived need for sleep above, trying to find a strict kind of routine in the morning before what I was doing that really worked well was before my workouts, media cold shower, and then a meditation for about 10 to 20 minutes, you know, just breathing.

Lindsay (12:08.237)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, meditation is one of those things that works really, really well for me. I think we did an episode of meditation like long time ago. We'll have to figure out what episode that was. you know, it's something that works really well for me when I do it. And this is one of the things that I will get into a groove. And then all of sudden one day I just won't do it and I'll just stop. And I'm kind of in that right now. Like I have this

Mike (12:18.621)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mike (12:34.975)
Yeah.

Lindsay (12:40.884)
app that I use for like a positive affirmation that you can't they're running through positive affirmation and then it has I can pick different mantras and say them so I'm doing that part but I haven't been sitting just in silence and that's the part I think I'm missing right now but at the same time like I do my other two things my affirmations and I do my mantras and then I'm kind of like

Yeah, I'm good. It's time to put on a true crime podcast and get start getting ready for work or whatever. So I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about it, but that's definitely one of those things where like there's a very clear benefit and I'm aware of it. And yet I don't seem to feel like doing it. And not sure what that is about. I.

Mike (13:16.051)
Yeah.

Lindsay (13:38.518)
You know, I have sometimes I think my brain is just like, I don't know, I wouldn't say broken, but sometimes my own brain is like an asshole. You know, like it works. It It works counter to what I need. And I don't understand what would be the point of that.

Mike (13:51.278)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (13:58.951)
I think we seek dopamine a lot of us and want those those instant hits of it. So I'll tell you what, Lindsey, when I get tired and it's the afternoon, I can turn into like fucking Gollum. Like when it comes to like snacks and treats and things because more and I just you know, I keep a food log now to what I'm eating. And so after this hunt, so for this hunt,

Lindsay (14:19.883)
you

Lindsay (14:25.012)
Mike (14:28.359)
I'm driving out to the Central Valley to meet another guy I'm with four. So which means I'm getting up at midnight, which means I'm, yeah, so not as much sleep going on that night. And so afterwards, you know, just pounding caffeine and then

Lindsay (14:35.49)
Wow.

Lindsay (14:48.178)
Which is also good for your sleep the following night.

Mike (14:50.707)
Yeah. Steph hits me up to keep me accountable and on through the app and goes, so are you meaning to tell me you just had a protein shake in the morning and then a small dinner? Is there nothing in between? And I said, Steph, I went to McDonald's immediate thumbs down emoji and just McFlurry. I was like, I stopped myself before I went into,

Lindsay (15:14.989)
Yeah.

Mike (15:20.851)
the gas station and went for good and plenty's and red vines. So, and I did.

Lindsay (15:25.176)
Did you actually have a McFlurry? Wow. So their ice cream machine was working because they're like notorious for not having, is it ice cream?

Mike (15:34.293)
Well, Lindsay, I drove from one McDonald's to the next to get that ice cream because the first one it wasn't working.

Lindsay (15:37.436)
Lindsay (15:42.71)
going to say you hit the jackpot. my gosh and did you have like the other stuff the burger fries blah blah blah or is it just the sugar thing?

Mike (15:51.541)
yeah, I know, I had the other stuff too. you know, so it's the other part of that is, is for me taking care of myself and why it's hard is I'm used to like a punishment model of commit infraction. The Marine must be punished and flogged and embarrassed and all these things. So,

I try to been trying to step away from that bit. All right, what I learned from this, perhaps better to have something lined up that I can eat that's more in alignment, if not completely with what I want to do. So.

Lindsay (16:32.536)
That's interesting. Because I hadn't thought about the external influence on how you have your internal conversation as an adult. I know we all have things that we carry with us from how we were raised, but I hadn't thought about the Marines teaching you about how to correct your own behavior.

Mike (16:51.081)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (17:00.482)
That's actually an interesting thought. you... So when you get into these modes where you're doing something sort of in a regimented way, is that sort of part of that? And then if you miss it, then there's a problem?

Mike (17:17.365)
Yeah, I think the main factor for me is sleep because when I'm tired, you know, I think I really comes out of anything to stay awake and usually that's, you know, these quick hits of sugar, you know, so sleep is a very important thing for me that I try to make, make sure I get, which is, you know, why when I've had a problem with it since think COVID started that I haven't.

Lindsay (17:36.162)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (17:45.561)
forced a regiment of mourning activities that I have to do or else I should make myself feel bad about them. So I'm still trying to figure that part out. So I think there's just different ways of looking at this, how we take care of ourselves. You know, the inner dialogue is a big piece though. The inner dialogue is a really big piece because I think if I were to observe my thoughts and

You know, if I'm staying up late to watch a show or like eating some food that is not going to make me feel good later, there's part of me that's probably thinking, yes, but I'm missing out on fun if I don't do this. The other stuff's boring. Right?

Lindsay (18:29.176)
Right. Yeah, I definitely have. So there's the miss out part and there's also the reward for me. you worked hard all day. You deserve XYZ. And it's not to say I don't deserve it, but it's not really it's that it's that hit of dopamine that you're talking about. like very short lived. That's that's the problem is that it's it's something that

Mike (18:52.019)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lindsay (18:57.076)
later on I'm like I didn't really get from it what I wanted or needed overall because then I'm perpetuating the problem. But you just said something that I thought I should consider for myself which is I was thinking when we were talking about that this was going to be our subject today I was thinking about you know discussing all the things I think I should do for myself.

Mike (19:04.434)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lindsay (19:23.39)
and pick one and try to do it for the next week and just see what happens. And so I could report back on the show. But my biggest problem right now is sleep. That's my biggest challenge. And it's not even that I go to bed late all the time. A lot of the times I'm just laying awake. I'm just not sleeping well. My quality of sleep is bad, even if I get in bed in time. so instead of coming up with

something that I need to do in the morning after I haven't had a good night's sleep. Maybe the self care for me is trying to work on improving the quality of my sleep. Not sure what that would be. You know, I'm pretty sure if I eat sugar that affects it. Definitely if I have caffeine afternoon. But I've been not doing those things and still having poor sleep. And I know you took like a sleep class and I think I'm going to look into

I'm going to do some kind of research online, read a book or something to figure out what are some simple things I can implement that would help me potentially start sleeping. Because there was a time where I slept through the night or even if I got up to the bathroom, I'd go right back to sleep. Now, if I wake up for any reason, sometimes I just wake up or sometimes I wake up and have to go to the bathroom. It's a while. You know, I'll start reading a book and I'm tired, but I can't sleep.

Mike (20:35.039)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (20:44.361)
Yeah.

Mike (20:50.847)
Yeah, yeah.

Lindsay (20:51.554)
Which is a weird, like, I don't know what that is. I'm tired. Let's sleep. Because pretty simple response to being tired yet I don't do it. So.

Mike (20:59.271)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I learned a few valuable things about this and since we're on the subject of sleep, you know, what surprised me that started working was they, the instructor had me start going to sleep later in the night so I could get good uninterrupted sleep all in the same time.

or put together instead of kind of fragmented or broken. So that was that was hard. And then what I tried out doing, which I hadn't done before, was if I can't, if I couldn't sleep, I'd get up and go do something like stretching or reading or, you know, like for me doing the dishes. But yeah, getting out of the room and doing it somewhere else.

Lindsay (21:51.95)
So getting out of the bed.

I'm gonna have the room.

Mike (21:57.149)
Yeah. And then just coming back when I'm ready to go to sleep again. And there's something with the brain that only associates the, if you do it that way, you can associate it with just sleep.

Lindsay (22:09.294)
Huh, okay. That's interesting, because I, like, generally speaking, I'll go to bed around nine, and then I wake up at 12.30. And then I fall asleep at like 1.15, 1.20. And then I wake up at 3.30. And then I'm up till four something, and then I fall asleep, and then I wake up at, you know, my normal get up time, like 5.30 or six.

Mike (22:18.483)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mike (22:33.065)
Yeah, yeah, broken sleep is tough, isn't it?

Lindsay (22:37.544)
Yes, yes, and I'm an old lady, it's extra tough. I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Actually, I don't know how I. Partied back in the day, like I would stay up late partying and then I would just sleep. I'm sure really poor sleep quality being drunk. Wake up hungover and go to work and just do it.

Mike (22:39.856)
Hehehehehe

Mike (22:55.347)
Yeah, yeah.

Mike (22:59.999)
rinse and repeat. Yeah, you're describing my Marine Corps experience. So

Lindsay (23:05.287)
One day of that now would kill me, you know what mean? And not because it would kill me because there's issues drinking and you know what mean? There's a whole lot of reasons that would kill me. But I just mean the idea of being like drunk until two in the night, you know, and then getting up four hours later. There's absolutely no way.

Mike (23:08.778)
yeah. Yeah.

Mike (23:23.017)
Yeah.

I I saw this meme where it showed this guy in a car with this unsatisfied look and said like, in my 20s, I drive to a different city to get drunk on a work night. But today I'm leaving early if I can't find parking easily. It's like, that's great.

Lindsay (23:43.596)
Yeah, not even going. It's funny, I have girlfriends to go to a meeting on Thursday night. So like a bunch of my girlfriends go to a meeting on Thursday nights. It's a women's meeting. All the people I like go to go to it in half moon bay. They hang out and I'm like, absolutely not, because it starts at 730. It's literally it's on my street and it's like two and a half blocks from my house. There's a church there. It's there.

Mike (24:04.649)
Yeah.

Mike (24:11.839)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay (24:13.376)
It's like I can basically lean out of my front door and see where it is. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm in the house at like five thirty. And and a lot of it's because of the sleep issues, you know, I'm like, got to wind down and. Hmm. When I think about it, I'm like, I got to binge watch. Well, currently it's selling sunset instead of going and hanging out with these women, you know.

Mike (24:22.953)
Right, yeah.

Mike (24:40.691)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Lindsay (24:43.298)
But also it's a ritual, Josh and I, well, he won't watch Selling Sunset. He's a realtor, so he's like, I don't need to watch these people who are probably not even realtors walk around houses all day. All I do is walk around houses. But it is part of our ritual to hang out and watch a show together. we do, there's something nice about that. We sit on this little couch together and.

Mike (24:55.807)
Yeah, yeah.

Lindsay (25:08.408)
hold hands or I rub his feet and we watch a show. This is pretty much every night. And that part of that connection is nice for us. I just have to make sure that I...

Mike (25:16.223)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (25:22.754)
don't do it to the point where now I can't get enough sleep because he he doesn't sleep all either but it doesn't seem to affect him in any kind of way.

Mike (25:29.564)
He just files right through it.

Lindsay (25:32.162)
He just gets up and goes, ugh, last night was like, my bed was like a torture chamber. And then he goes about his day. Or as I drag ass all over the place and I'm like, I can't get this done, that done, I'm dying. So what about Sarah? Does she get disturbed while you're getting up and down or do you just go in a different room?

Mike (25:37.237)
Yeah.

Mike (25:43.432)
you

Mike (25:55.217)
no, I'm really quiet about it. Yeah, I'm really quiet about it. And I'll just go downstairs. Yeah, so I'm not like moving around. But yeah, she'll stay up later and watch selling sunset or last night I joined her. Yeah, for an episode of what was it called Mormon wives. But these naughty LDS women who really aren't. It's basically like the hills but set in Utah. It feels like. Yeah.

Lindsay (26:08.264)
That's my girl.

Lindsay (26:18.592)
aren't really.

Lindsay (26:22.848)
Are, is that a streaming? Where do you see that? Because now I have to see that.

Mike (26:28.149)
I think it's on a regular cable. I think. I don't know. I haven't looked into it that much.

Lindsay (26:33.714)
okay.

Lindsay (26:37.398)
So they're not behaving like they should. Yeah, so it's like Real Housewives, but Mormon.

Mike (26:40.851)
They are not. Drama ensues. Yes. So. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Lindsay (26:49.484)
I mean, you could take any walk of life and find some bitches who will be dramatic about it. You know what I mean? I don't know, maybe not Amish, but that would be amazing if we could get like some Amish wives.

Mike (26:54.887)
Yeah.

Mike (27:01.843)
Yeah, that'd it.

Mike (27:08.681)
Yeah, I'll look into it. I'll see what I can do.

Lindsay (27:12.27)
You could make millions of dollars producing that I bet.

Mike (27:16.538)
Yeah. man, I, when I drove across country back home, when I got out of the Marine Corps, we drove through an Amish village or city or town in, in middle of Indiana. And I was unaware, looking back on it, probably should have been, but I was unaware that Amish people do not enjoy having their photos taken.

Lindsay (27:39.028)
yeah, no.

Mike (27:40.273)
And I was acting like I was on a freaking safari as I was driving through and there's this one Amish gentleman on his bike going by and I'm pretty good at a stare down and I had my camera out and I was I taking pictures as he's going by and he stared me down so hard I lost I looked down. I was like ooh there's some wrath there's some fire and brimstone nuts there.

Lindsay (27:57.55)
You're like, and.

Lindsay (28:03.978)
Yeah, yeah. yeah. mean, they're very because I for a while would watch this show. gosh. Dr. Poll, I think it was called he's a vet as country veterinarian, and he's an Amish country. And so when he would go deal with their horses or whatever, because he did everything, you know, large animals and pets and whatever, they would be blurred. They wouldn't you wouldn't see them on the camera. Like.

Mike (28:15.349)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (28:23.252)
Yeah.

Mike (28:30.343)
right, right, right.

Lindsay (28:31.884)
You wouldn't see them at all. like if a hand came out into the camera, it would be blurred. Like there's no. Yeah, yeah, they weren't doing it. Yeah. That that show was pretty interesting. We don't have to get into another show, but you can look up Dr. Paul, veterinarian. So we went from hunting to Amish talk and in between, what did we learn? Anything that we learned anything today?

Mike (28:46.749)
Yeah. Welcome back to Amish Talk with Mike and Lindsay.

Mike (28:55.549)
Yeah.

We, we, we learned that it's probably better just to go to sleep.

Lindsay (29:09.043)
And I'm going to OK, so I do want to challenge myself to like at least make an effort. I'm not going to say I have to do something specific so that I beat myself up when I don't do it, but I am going to at least commit to.

Mike (29:22.097)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lindsay (29:28.778)
reading up on some sleep stuff, maybe find a really good book that's well, that comes recommended or some things that I can start moving in the direction of getting quality sleep. Because I truly think that that is probably right now, it's probably the number one, like health risk that I actually have is just consistently poor sleep. And I understand that, you know,

Mike (29:34.185)
Yeah.

Mike (29:48.724)
Yeah.

Lindsay (29:55.114)
not having enough or not having good quality sleep has an impact on other areas of your physical body. And I don't want to be sick or stroke out or something because my brain is not getting enough rest or my organs aren't getting enough rest.

Mike (30:05.597)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (30:15.699)
Yeah, think it's so important to challenge yourself to do things that are better for you in the long run. And at the same time, maintain a sense of, this working? How am I treating myself while I'm doing this? Because my prior approach of beating myself up to

Lindsay (30:37.73)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (30:42.227)
you know, beat my routine into submission wasn't sustainable. And then just my pursuit of being healthy led to some unhealthy mental health consequences of just, you know, really having some dark negative self-talk. So.

Lindsay (30:49.07)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (31:07.406)
Mm.

Mike (31:09.461)
I think there's a space in there to seek improvement, to work at something consistently and to be able to evaluate is this working? And when we do something that steps out of line with that and just treat it more as a educational experience of, okay, what did I learn from this? What can I do next time? As opposed to some like, no, I ate red vines again. I must flog myself. You know, I am.

piece of shit or whatever brand of self talk you subscribe to.

Lindsay (31:39.342)
Mm hmm. Yeah. yeah. I definitely. You know, it's interesting because you were saying, you know, you've you come from the military background where that sort of, you know, you make a mistake and there's consequences, negative consequences. I have something similar, not because I was in the military, but because I that's just my default. think probably maybe that default was installed, you know, a little bit when I was growing up, but.

Mike (31:53.333)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (32:07.402)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (32:10.635)
sort of the negative feedback loop of like, you should have done this, why did you not do this kind of thing. And so I could get into that too, where I make this, I mean, if I look in my journal, I can see these throughout time, these pages where I've like decided, okay, these are all the things I'm gonna do now to take care of myself. And,

Mike (32:14.633)
Yeah.

Mike (32:32.339)
Yeah.

Lindsay (32:36.94)
I'm going to do them perfectly and then I will be a complete actualized person. And the list is hella long. I'm like, when I look back on it, like sometimes if I read back through my journal, I'll see one of these lists of things. I'm like, that's depending on my mood. I'm like, that's insane. Like you're not going to get up and do all of these things. And then throughout the day, implement

Mike (32:44.947)
Great.

Lindsay (33:06.132)
XYZ when we all know or when I know I've got a job that is very can be very intense. mean, who would think accounting can be intense, but it's just the level of responsibility and the amount, the volume of work that's intense about it. And and then adding the pressure of like, there's this page long list of crap I didn't do. Therefore, I'm a piece of crap, you know.

Mike (33:31.921)
Exactly. Yeah, and the the unfortunate thing about this is I've noticed after countless failures attempting it this way is that the pattern goes like this or the cycle goes like this. Fail to do something that I set up for myself arbitrarily. So have negative self-talk and then

Lindsay (33:35.766)
It's insane.

Lindsay (33:56.406)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (34:00.381)
feel so bad about myself that I'm craving instant dopamine that I will go back to the thing probably I was trying to avoid in the first place whether it be you know a substance or a food or you know whatever it is you can use it with you know spending money anything

Lindsay (34:22.254)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay (34:26.881)
yeah, scrolling, scrolling on social media. That's a biggie.

Mike (34:29.241)
Squirreling yeah, exactly. Yeah, cuz yeah exactly. So you go back to the activity that set you in this negative spot in the first place So it's a and then you feel worse about it. So you have more negative, you know Negative self-talk and so you kind of dig yourself into a hole So I think breaking out of that loop was not like talking myself in some

Lindsay (34:38.978)
Yeah, that sounds about right.

Mike (34:57.605)
new age, know, flower power, everything's okay kind of thing, but just realizing, this isn't working. Why am I doing this if it's not working and making me do more of the things that aren't making me feel good?

Lindsay (35:10.238)
Mm-hmm. And see, this is why we make good co-hosts, because you have the perspective, that perspective, and I am, I love a new age flower power type situation.

Mike (35:22.066)
Yeah, yeah, hey, I've I've been attracted by some sometimes too, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lindsay (35:27.448)
Some of them, some of them are bullshit, it is true. Like my morning, like positive affirmations that I do, it's a recording of a lovely gentleman with a British accent, so that's nice. But they're not, know,

Mike (35:45.298)
Hmm.

Lindsay (35:49.218)
you're gonna be rich and fabulous and whatever they're, because I've heard, know, I was in sales before and they were always just like, you know, do these sales self talk of like, I earned a million dollars, but this is, you know, I am safe and all will be well that kind of, that kind of, and.

Mike (35:51.327)
Ha

Mike (36:08.925)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I like that.

Lindsay (36:13.718)
I need to remind myself because my brain naturally goes to I'm not safe and everything's not going to be well.

Mike (36:21.001)
Yep, not safe. Nothing's gonna be okay. I'm a bad person. The nice little trifecta right there, right?

Lindsay (36:26.284)
Yeah. it's great. I love it. Sometimes Josh and I talk about, you know, friends that we have that don't have mental health challenges. They're just normies. mean, they just don't have them. It's so blows my mind dealing with these people because they just do the next right thing kind of like naturally, which

Mike (36:43.561)
Yeah, exactly.

Mike (36:52.852)
Yeah.

Lindsay (36:54.659)
unfamiliar with let's just say that.

Mike (36:56.723)
That's what I'm always thinking. How do you spend your time if it's not running away from or running towards something? Right?

Lindsay (37:04.169)
Exactly. We kind of are like, how far where would we be in life if we didn't have to do battle every morning first thing before we even open our eyes? Before I even get out of bed, I'm I'm I'm doing some battle internally. Takes a little bit of takes a little bit of energy to do it, but.

Mike (37:16.029)
Yeah, exactly.

Mike (37:24.659)
Yeah.

Lindsay (37:32.178)
I think the point in a lot of ways of this podcast is to acknowledge that there are a lot of us that do have to do a battle first thing. And or at any point throughout the day. And and that's OK. And that's just who we are. And that's what it is. And you know, one of my. I would say. Default settings, that's that's.

Mike (37:39.061)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (37:49.811)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay (38:02.422)
something I have to constantly work on is perfectionism. And this comes into these sort of like, taking care of myself. It's like, come up with all the things that would make me perfect and then try to do them perfectly. And if I can't do it perfect, then fuck it. You know, I'm not going to do it at all.

Mike (38:06.729)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (38:18.709)
Exactly. All or nothing. Feast or famine. The extremes are interesting and what's interesting to me, what I learned maybe a handful of years ago is like, okay, so if I am a perfectionist, what is the inner dialogue there? What is the reasoning? I have to do this perfectly or what? And then you think about that or I'm not worthy of love and attention or...

that or I'm a failure or like all these doom and gloom scenarios. You know, if I don't achieve these tasks, I'm unworthy. So, yeah, what's.

Lindsay (38:47.086)
Hmm.

Lindsay (38:54.19)
Yes. I think I do equate it with worthiness and love, you know, there is a little bit of and it's a complex mix of, you know, things I heard and saw growing up a lot of it being the only black person in the room most of my life, just where I happen to live and grow up and go to school, private school, all these things and a lot of it.

Mike (39:00.317)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay (39:24.844)
was great, you know, where I grew up and I had a good childhood and I went to really good schools. So grateful for that. But it just happened to be that I was the only minority in the room a lot of the time. And in that situation, it's either you either have to do twice as good to be considered as good or you feel like you have to do twice as good to be considered as good. And so, you know, having those experiences where

Mike (39:35.423)
Hmm.

Mike (39:48.337)
Mm, a lot of pressure.

Lindsay (39:53.932)
I did have to do better to be considered okay. I then just took that and extrapolated to like every situation in my life, right? And so I can fall back into that now of like, I gotta do all the things to be worthy of anything. And it's sad, know, when I think about it and just say it out loud, it's really sad. it's to think about that little girl who felt that way like,

Mike (40:01.683)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mike (40:22.867)
Yes.

Lindsay (40:24.014)
That's super, it's very sad. I didn't have any point of reference that would say otherwise, you know? And so I just kind of thought that's how life is. At least now I have the benefit of knowing that that's not true. And so, and even if someone does feel that way about me, that I need to do better to be their equal, they can just kiss my black ass, you know what mean? Which is much better, but.

Mike (40:46.549)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Lindsay (40:53.964)
I still have to like actively and consciously override that tendency to be like, have to do all the things to be worthy of anything.

Mike (41:06.057)
Yeah, that's, that's where the meditation really came in handy for me. Yeah. Was sitting and I had this nice little combination with the meditation. So I'd sit in the closet and you know, cross-legged with my back up against the wall so I could be somewhat straight up and I'd be doing this and either, just grounding, feeling my body connected to the ground.

was so important and just letting myself kind of go through these unchallenged thoughts and just notice them, not follow them, but just notice them going by and then coming back to the present moment of my body connected to the ground. And the best combination that happened without me trying was I'd either have a little dog or a little cat kind of come and curl up in my lap there and the cat would start purring or the dog would just go.

you know, just nice and satisfied. And I was like, I didn't have to do anything. And I am, I'm worthy of this love and attention. And it was such a nice experience that it helped me release a lot of the pressure. I think a lot of us carry around is just so much pressure to be a certain way. So

Lindsay (42:03.031)
I love it.

Lindsay (42:27.158)
Wow, that's so sweet about the animals sitting down there. they're like, full of that meditative, loving kindness. mean, they're they've got it down. These dogs and cats, they know what's up. Well, what do you think? Have we talked enough about it?

Mike (42:36.447)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mike (42:43.711)
Mm-hmm.

Mike (42:48.777)
I think so. Yeah. So if I, if I were to offer any challenge to our listeners, I would say if you can spend some time either grounding yourself, just sitting, it doesn't have to be a formal meditation, but just sitting and breathing and connecting to the ground and watching your thoughts go by and then just realizing that you don't have to be

certain perfect way to be worthy of love and attention and just see if that feels right. Try that out and try these new things with a sense of you know grace, a little compassion for yourself who's trying to do something new and be a little more gentle on yourself as you would someone else and goes a little smoother.

Lindsay (43:40.216)
Mm, yeah.

That's a good, good idea. Treating yourself the way you would treat another human being is great. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, exactly. And if you're someone who treats other people like shit, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe there's additional help that you need to get. Exactly.

Mike (43:49.363)
Yeah, especially the way you treat, you know, maybe a small child.

Mike (44:06.815)
Yeah, exactly. Come talk to someone like me in professional setting.

Lindsay (44:13.472)
Alrighty, well, I think that's it for this week, guys. Thanks, Mike. Appreciate the conversation. And I'm going to take some of your advice for myself. Yeah. Until next week. Bye.

Mike (44:26.773)
Until next week everyone, see y'all.